Soldiers

A poem I wrote during my composition class at PACT today (01/28/10):
(I put large amounts of thought and time into this poem. I mean EVERY word said about our soldiers)


What is a soldier?
They are courage
They are this country
They are the bravery
The stronghold
The backbone

What is courage?
It is taking a stand
It is being yourself
It is being strong
Having faith
Facing fears

What is this country?
It is the US of A
It is freedom
It is independence
United
Strong

What is bravery?
It is standing up
It is living your life
It is waking up each morning
Taking life when its rough
Putting on a smile

What is a stronghold?
It is security
It is a rock
It is inspiration
Steady
Unfailing

What is a backbone?
It is the weapon
It is the existence
It is what holds us together
The main bone
Keeps us alive

What is a soldier?
Someone we can count on
Someone who holds us up
Someone that saves our freedom
Risks their lives
Faces their fears

Are YOU a soldier?

my life in retrospect

Recently I have been dealing with a lot of problems in many aspects of my life. It seems so very overwhelming. I am not sure how I am able to handle all of this "drama" in my life at once. Maybe all my past drama...all the drama that seemed WAY too overwhelming at the time... prepared me for this point in my life. The point in my life that has more adult problems instead of teenage problems. The point in my life where these problems can make or ruin my life. It's difficult to look at all that I'm going through... and knowing that every LITTLE choice i make is fragile. And if I make the wrong move... my life could break apart completely. It's also very stressful knowing that. There are moments where I feel like I am going crazy. Like I am not all there. There are days in the past 5 months that just are such a blur. Like I can't remember most of the days in the past 5 months. I just lived barely through them... but only focused enough to live through the day... and not enough to enjoy it. The only days I remember completely clearly are the days I encountered God. I'm not sure if this is bad... but I'm not a fan of living my life this way. All I'm doing is living it enough to get by without dying. It's a numb life... and I'm not sure why or how exactly I got to be this way. It's almost like it's exhausting. The only thing that is keeping me going is God and my love for Him and knowing His will for my life. So everything I'm going through...and have gone through...and will go through has a meaning and purpose. Its just difficult to see those purposes right now. And I'm not so much a fan of them. Especially since SO much is happening to me at once... but I'm trusting in God...