Lately, I have been watching One Tree Hill. Watching this show often times helps me look on the bright side of life. Because i can look at this show and think "Man, I have a lot of drama in my life. But at least I am not having to go through that." But I also watch this show, and reazlize how similar my life is to quite a few situtations in the show. So today I wrote a facebook status based off of the show a little bit.
"Ever wonder where life will take us? Maybe it'll lead us to the one we love. Maybe it'll lead us to our dreams. Maybe it'll lead us to mistakes, but lead us past them. Maybe it'll bring us back to the River Court where it all began. Where we first made our wishes and thought up our dreams. After high school the world will be open for chances. How will it be possible? The first time we stepped out of our box, our own sheltered world, our River Court... and decided to face the world."
Even as I wrote this, it seems hard to me to believe. My life hasn't been the easiest lately. And I know that no one's life is perfect, but it's just been getting tough and more things just keep adding on the the BIG problems. All of the problems are my own mistakes and its the consquences that I am having to take on because of those mistakes. Because I created each problem in some form or another. 3 1/2 months ago, I lost the most important person in the world to me. And I doubt I will ever get him back. I'm constantly "gaining" and losing friends. I lost count so far this year.
But as I am looking at my life, 2010 is a brand new year. It's a time to start a new year fresh. With no mistakes. No regrets. Even though the past cant be erased, and I can't completely change current circumstances... I can try to start making my life better. Changing the future and it's outcomes. Letting go is the hardest thing for me to do. Because I don't like change. At all. It's not something that I have ever been able to deal with well. Even though the last 7 years of my life have ONLY been changes. Some for the better... but most of them for the worst (or at least that's how it seems now). Even the worst changes have impacted me for the better I guess and gotten me to where I am now. But is this really where I want to be? Is this how I want my life to keep going and everything? Im not sure. I feel like I am 100% sure how I feel God wants me to lead/live my life. But... people keep telling me that it's not right. Trying to convince me that how I feel and what God is telling me is wrong. Most people in my life lately have been telling me that what I feel God is telling me about a specific situtation in my life is wrong. They have me second guessing myself, when I know in my heart that I am right. It is the hardest thing to deal with. Not to mention, I have ideas of how to live my future, what I should go to college for, what my future job should be or entail... but everything people/my parents are telling me I should do... is not what I feel God wants me to do. But all their opinions and statements have me second guessing myself yet again. My life seems so uncertain. Lately, I can hardly HONESTLY tell people who I am. And it scares me. I graduate in about 5 months. But I know barely anything about myself anymore. How am I going to be ready?
Well... I am hungry. And want food. :) So I will write again eventually.
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